The photo above shows my everyday view from the parking lot at my workplace. This is the beauty that I overlook lately because I feel like I’ve been failing at life (or life has been failing me). I was feeling cranky on most days, didn’t want to talk to anyone and didn’t want to do anything. At night, I would always find myself nestled in my bed, overthinking and staring at the wall for hours, lonely as a ghost.
One day I decided I’d fight it. There was no sign or anything. I probably just got sick of all the negativity inside me. I told myself I’d go out and do something fun and eat good food and exercise. I prayed that I’ll have the strength to do it. I’m still trying.
To genuinely appreciate life is the thing that I’m working on. I just felt bad about not being grateful enough for everything I was blessed with. I failed to see all the good things around me because of the few bad things that the universe had thrown at me. I don’t know how to save myself from all the misery but I know I have to be strong somehow. I try to look at something beautiful — like the sky or the mountain, or the ocean, and tell myself that I’d be fine. I wouldn’t say I stopped being a mess but I would say I learned how to embrace the mess that I am. I stopped imposing chains upon myself because of the wrong things I’ve done. I learned that it’s alright to be me. That it’s alright to make mistakes and have my heart broken and make bad decisions.. because no matter how big of a mess I am, it still can be a wonderful world.